Hate

Hate is such a strong yet an extremely tiring emotion.......  As hard as it is to hear it: the only best solution is to let it go.  Holding on to all that hate can be damaging to your body emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

My mom still holds onto this anger towards my dad, and I honestly don't blame her.  She went through a lot and I will probably never understand what they went through but her hate towards my dad is resonating and is causing a cascading effect in my siblings.  It hurts me to see my siblings side with my mom without trying to understand my dad's side.  It takes TWO for a relationship to work and similarly it takes TWO for a relationship to end.  It brings tears to my eyes to see other parents work out and mine didn't.  What hurts me most is witnessing how truly lonely and miserable both my parents are now.  My mom may smile and seem happy but I can see right through her.  She works hard, goes to church, goes shopping... but when she's alone I'd see her cry.  And I feel like religion holds her back from finding someone new because she can't remarry until my dad passes away (one of many things I disagree about church).  My siblings and I try to spend as much time as we can with her.  My dad on the other hand, even though he created a new family, I can see how much it hurts him to leave us behind... but I am glad he found love because I would hate for him to be alone.  Knowing my mom, sadly she knows how to shut people out of her life... I wish she and my dad were at least civil.  It would teach Mayumi that people can still have some sort of relationship rather than teaching her "hate."

Watching my parents taught me so much about relationships and human behavior.  It is because of them I decided to study Psychology and Child Development.  I wanted to know how to put into words what happened to my parents, how they raised my siblings and I, and why my siblings and I turned out the way we did.  I also wanted to know the "right" way to raise children.  Studying at San Jose State University has opened my eyes and I feel like I've learned so much applicable knowledge.

I love my parents.  I know how much my parents loved each other... but somewhere along their marriage was constant disrespect and miscommunication that led to lots of misunderstandings that blew out of proportion.  Because of them I'm a strong believer of "COMMUNICATION IS KEY."  I've concluded that my parents are ordinary human beings with emotions... they're good people who made some bad decisions in their relationship.  I don't think I'm an expert in relationships at all but just from what I've learned from my studies and from being in a 9 year relationship with Brian AND seeing Cathrine and Daniel's 11 year relationship, my parents could've worked things out but they were tired of trying.  Being in the relationship was just too hurtful for them to stay in it.

...I just wish them both happiness and for my mom to find love again.