RIP Benjamin Salamanca Nicolas

February 3, 1948-January 15, 2014

This Wednesday I lost my second dad, Uncle Ben. These past two days have been truly difficult because I'm still in disbelief.  Sometimes I think we're just waiting for him to just walk thru the door from work or I'd catch myself saying "Wait for Uncle Ben!" But then I'm reminded again that he's gone. Uncle Ben has cared for me like his own and was there for me through my problems and successes.  He has taught me the true meaning of unconditional love just by seeing what he does for others.  I'll continue to carry with me all the fatherly advices he had given to me, Brian, and Sheryll.  I miss him so much :( but I know he would want us all to be happy--not sad.  I know he'd want us to just remember all the good times we've shared, to continue to be strong, and to build more memories with those we still have in our lives.  Brian is just like him and I'm blessed to have a boyfriend who takes after his dad's best qualities.  I love you, Uncle Ben! #RIP

My New Daily Work Schedule

8:00-10:45am
I'm at Burnett Elementary School in a 4th thru 6th grade classroom for Autistic children.  There are a total of 8 students in this class and I'm assigned to the only girl in the class.  She is still learning to use her words to communicate and my job is to keep her on task and focused.

11:00am-12:00pm
After Burnett, I go straight to Weller Elementary School to work 1-on-1 with preschoolers who also have Autism.  I was shadowing another BMT all week last week and tomorrow I get to finally meet the kid that I'll be working with 1-on-1.  I was taught to conduct trials and help them master certain skills that they lack, whether it be motor skills, matching,  sorting, cutting, tracing, crawling, potty training, gender recognition, learning manners, socializing, etc.

12:00-1:30pm
After 1-on-1, I join a social group for preschoolers with autism.  We help them build social skills with other autistic children.  They learn to say hello/goodbye, to share,  to take turns, to say please/thank you, to use full sentences, to ask,  to play with others, etc.  It reminds me of when I used to work at a preschool before only difference is that all the activities are jammed in an hour-and-a-half session instead of 4 hours.

1:45-6:00pm
After working with autistic children,  I'm either at After the Bell (Wed-Fri) or at the Milpitas Sports Center (Mon-Tues).

10-hour work days haven't caught up to me, yet.  This is still all new to me.  I still find that even after working all day I still have energy.  All I can say so far is that overall it has been an interesting and challenging past week.

Happy New Year! 2014

I decided that for my first blog post for 2014, I'd write up 14 current things about me... what I'm doing, plans, favorite things...  I think my future self would really appreciate that :)

1.  This year I have 3 jobs!  The first job is what I've always been doing for the past three years, a Recreation Leader for an after-school program for the City of Milpitas.  The second job, which I just accepted, is a Summer Camp Director also for the City of Milpitas.  I'm excited about this one because my partner and I get to plan a whole summer of fun activities for kids between the ages 5-8.  I just feel like I have so many ideas in my head that I just have to let out and I can't wait to start planning this week.  And the third job that I just got hired for is a Behavioral Management Tutor (BMT) for the Milpitas Unified School District.  I'm nervous about this one because I've never fully worked with Autistic children... but I'm excited regardless!  I've heard a lot of good and bad things, but all I care about is that the kids are safe, having fun, and being inspired to learn more.

2.  I love coupon-ing! For the past couple of months I learned how to coupon and I'm truly looking forward to saving more money in 2014.  Couponing has brought shopping to a whole new level... It takes a lot of time but in the end my wallet's happy :)

3.  I'm aiming to be healthier and active.  I say this every year, I know, but I want and need to live a healthier lifestyle.  I had my blood test taken last year and one thing that worried me was my glucose level -- it was pretty damn high.  If I continue to eat the way I'm eating and given my family history, there's a super high possibility that I can get diabetes in the near future.  I've been looking on Pinterest and they have really good ideas on ways to make a recipe book, and it inspired me to create my own healthy recipe book.  This, and working out with my brother, will help me be healthier.

4.  I have one more year to pay off my car.  My 2015 goal: trade-in my car for a brand new car that I want and deserve.  I'm thinking of getting the newest version of my Avalon! lol

5.  I love DIYs - Pinterest and YouTube are THEE BEST sites for DIYs

6.  Current Favorite TV shows that I can replay over and over again:  The Office, Freaks and Geeks, Walking Dead, Breaking Bad, American Horror Story, Family Guy, Southpark, Conan, and Desperate Housewives.  This year I'd like to get into New Girl, Sons of Anarchy, and Scandal.

7.  Current Favorite Movies:  Frozen, Le Miserables, Rent, Django Unchained, Despicable Me

8.  Current everyday makeup routine:

• Primer - Neutrogena Shine Control Primer
• Foundation - L'Oreal True Match liquid foundation in W6 Sun Beige
• Concealer - Maybelline Instant Age Rewind Eraser Dark Circles in Neutralizer
• Face Powders - Laura Mercier Translucent Powder
• Bronzer - Sephora MicroSmooth in Tan 35
• Brows - Rimmel Brow Pencil in Dark Brown
• Mascara - Maybelline The Falsies Big Eyes (waterproof)

9.  All-Time Favorite Lipsticks:

• Red - MAC Ruby Woo
• Orange/Red - MAC Lady Danger
• Natural - NYX Whipped Caviar
• Peachy - NYX Strawberry Daquiri
• Bold Pink - MAC Girl About Town
• Soft Pink -  NYX Sweet Pink
• Plum - MAC Rebel
• Purple - MAC Heroine

10.  Favorite Shampoo and Conditioner:  Bain de Terre in Passion Flower

11.  Favorite Alcoholic Beverages:

• Roscato red wine
• Beers: Blue Moon, Shock Top, Corona
• Mimosa - Crook's Brut and Guava Juice
• Strawberry Mojitos

12.  Favorite Place to Eat:  Sizzling Stone

13.  Hobbies:  I still love talking about or playing with make-up.  I still love anything that involves arts and crafts.  I still love decorating a room and turning it into something welcoming, comfortable, colorful, clean, and efficient.  Couponing and crocheting are my two newest hobbies.

14.  Looking forward to mine and Brian's 10th year anniversary.  I still love that silly guy :)

Hate

Hate is such a strong yet an extremely tiring emotion.......  As hard as it is to hear it: the only best solution is to let it go.  Holding on to all that hate can be damaging to your body emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

My mom still holds onto this anger towards my dad, and I honestly don't blame her.  She went through a lot and I will probably never understand what they went through but her hate towards my dad is resonating and is causing a cascading effect in my siblings.  It hurts me to see my siblings side with my mom without trying to understand my dad's side.  It takes TWO for a relationship to work and similarly it takes TWO for a relationship to end.  It brings tears to my eyes to see other parents work out and mine didn't.  What hurts me most is witnessing how truly lonely and miserable both my parents are now.  My mom may smile and seem happy but I can see right through her.  She works hard, goes to church, goes shopping... but when she's alone I'd see her cry.  And I feel like religion holds her back from finding someone new because she can't remarry until my dad passes away (one of many things I disagree about church).  My siblings and I try to spend as much time as we can with her.  My dad on the other hand, even though he created a new family, I can see how much it hurts him to leave us behind... but I am glad he found love because I would hate for him to be alone.  Knowing my mom, sadly she knows how to shut people out of her life... I wish she and my dad were at least civil.  It would teach Mayumi that people can still have some sort of relationship rather than teaching her "hate."

Watching my parents taught me so much about relationships and human behavior.  It is because of them I decided to study Psychology and Child Development.  I wanted to know how to put into words what happened to my parents, how they raised my siblings and I, and why my siblings and I turned out the way we did.  I also wanted to know the "right" way to raise children.  Studying at San Jose State University has opened my eyes and I feel like I've learned so much applicable knowledge.

I love my parents.  I know how much my parents loved each other... but somewhere along their marriage was constant disrespect and miscommunication that led to lots of misunderstandings that blew out of proportion.  Because of them I'm a strong believer of "COMMUNICATION IS KEY."  I've concluded that my parents are ordinary human beings with emotions... they're good people who made some bad decisions in their relationship.  I don't think I'm an expert in relationships at all but just from what I've learned from my studies and from being in a 9 year relationship with Brian AND seeing Cathrine and Daniel's 11 year relationship, my parents could've worked things out but they were tired of trying.  Being in the relationship was just too hurtful for them to stay in it.

...I just wish them both happiness and for my mom to find love again.

My goals

I was looking through my old blogging site recently, and I found a post that I wrote on April 6, 2009 that said:

"After taking a couple years off from college, I'm behind. But I'm not that far behind. Starting Fall '09, I plan to become full-time at school and part-time at work. You know, re-prioritizing my life. I want to get out of Mission College and transfer to San Jose State University. So hopefully by Fall 2010 I'll be in San Jose State."

Reading this makes me teary-eyed.  I remember getting into arguments with Brian about school, and my argument would be that college is just a way for the government to take money from of us, and that people get good jobs even without a degree, and that it's all about your connections.  It kind of makes me laugh inside knowing that I used to think that way.  Now I'm seeing that I made a huge U-turn with my life (and I will admit that Brian eventually won that argument years ago).  It just makes me happy that I'm reaching my goals.  It has taken me almost 4 years to get my Bachelor's Degree... and I'm thinking about new goals to reach afterwards.  My next goal would be to obtain my teaching credential which will take 3 semesters to complete.  I probably won't begin that goal until the Fall of 2013 at SJSU.  My goal after that is to have a full-time job before I reach 30 years old.

On a relative note, I don't believe in "it's now or never."  However, I  DO STRONGLY believe in "it's better late than never."  Only because everyone is on their own pace, and only YOU know when YOU are ready.  I don't agree to "now or never" because I believe in windows of opportunity, I believe that more doors will open after one has closed, and I believe in taking your time to think things through before making a decision you might regret.  Take your time.  There's no need to rush in life... at all.  Some people get things done early, and some people are just "late bloomers."  Who cares?  Because when you know you've put your mind and heart into something, and you've persevered through it -- IT'S FEELS RIGHT no matter how long it took you to obtain that goal.

My Last Semester

Today is the first day of my last semester as an undergraduate at San Jose State University.  I'm excited, curious, scared, and nervous all at the same time.  I know for a fact that this is going to be the most hectic semester ever but I am keeping in mind that it's DO-ABLE... nothing's impossible if you put your mind (and time) to it :) Let the semester begin!

My 2012 New Year's Resolutions

1. Be true to myself and to my family, friends, and Brian
2. Stay positive, appreciate the pleasant outcomes, and learn from the rest
3. Less Facebooking and more of living in the moments
4. Savor life's joys
   
5. Don't get caught up in other people's problems
6. Perform random acts of kindness on a daily basis
7. Compliment people who deserve it
8. Take care of my body
   

Even the greatest joys bring challenge

Brian and I have recently gone through a rough patch in our relationship and during the process it altered our views of each other and it eventually put things into perspective. I'd be lying if I told you we're the perfect couple because.... we're not. We're not perfect at all and that's completely okay because we do our best. Like in any other relationships, we argue, make up, learn, and move on to the next challenge... sometimes we repeat the same mistakes to finally learn. In the end of every challenge, we find ourselves stronger as a couple and as individuals. I believe we lasted this long because we have never wanted to give up on each other when times got tough. I mean, we have argued to the point where we've considered that "single life" option but then we realize how much we enjoy the "relationship life" even more. Why? Because it's challenging. It's exciting. It's a challenge itself to be in a relationship because it requires a lot of sacrifice to make the other person happy; it requires forgiveness and believing in the best in them; it requires honesty and trust; it requires more listening than talking which then leads to understanding; it requires a little jealousy to motivate us to appreciate the little things; it requires a lot of patience; it requires empathy; it requires being completely yourself; it requires acceptance. And to be honest, ALL of these requirements are easier said than done.

On top of all that, you're challenging yourself (and each other) during the process. The ways that I've challenged myself is mostly through self-control in terms of emotions. Controlling my emotions has changed my impulsive behaviors. I've also learned to channel my emotions into hobbies such as art, music, cooking, reading, writing, and sometimes running. Another one of my many personal challenges, was finding that self-respect. In high school, I had low self-esteem (or self-love, whatever you want to call it). I was self-conscious and it didn't feel good to be in that state of mind. Being with Brian, he showed me my worth. I know it's weird that I found self-respect from Brian because usually people are supposed to love themselves first before loving another like the saying: "love yourself first before you can love others" ...well I found my self-worth the opposite way. I learned to love myself after loving another person. In fact, Brian just got the ball rolling for me - I did the self-lovin' on my own :)

Overall, our victories together gave our relationship value/essence/quality... which to me is worth investing my time and heart into.